You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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