there was a trapeze. enough said
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize