I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
