dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
