I'm going to jail i love you
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
