my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
