bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize