You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
