i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
