I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
