it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
