also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
