Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
