ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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