I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
