Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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