Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
