What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
