wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Of course I have a pirate flag
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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