If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I came so hard my ears popped.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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