did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
