I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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