Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
