Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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