fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
