If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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