Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
