It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
