mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
