somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
