home. puking in laundry basket.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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