Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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