Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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