okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
