the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
