yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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