Already got asked if we're dating
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
