So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Shame - the story of my life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
