1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Randomize
