apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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