The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
