There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
