He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
