He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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