Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
