Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
