my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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