chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
