do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
