when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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