so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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