The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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