If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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