This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
