Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
