Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I will pee on everything he values.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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