I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
