My Higher Power is John Stamos
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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