i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
