yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
