So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
