that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
