I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
