I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
