I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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