I think my fart just growled at me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize