So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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