i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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