I hope mine doesn't look like that
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
